After 4 years now of being reborn in Christ and maturing in the faith, when I look back I can see and understand even better all the times that God's grace, faithfulness, love, protection and purpose was already present in my life. The enemy knows we are chosen before we even know it ourselves and he will do everything that he can to try to stop us from our purpose in God and knock out our confidence because he is afraid of our gifts and potential in God. This can all start since a very early age. 

(Jeremiah 1:4-5 ) - ''Now the word of the LORD came to me, saying, Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you; I appointed you a prophet to the nations."

Coming from a world of a lot of survival torment and narcissistic abuse, and from a catholic culture, I have always naturally had a very personal special and intimate relationship with God the father in my secret place since I never enjoyed religion, it always felt very hypocritical and fake to me, I already had a set apart mindset, was never able to fit in with this world since a very young age without understanding the reason why,  but I always had a very open heart to God and a big sense of justice, righteousness and feared him, but never knew about the importance power truth and freedom that was available in our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ until he supernaturally brought me to him alone.

After years and years of depression, trauma, feeling suicidal, abuse, bullying, injustice, and almost all types of struggles without a break, I felt like I was going nuts with my mind melting inside of me and started to take it very personal which led me to a deep pit of depression, but God's grace was already there and he listened to my prayers and conversations with him, even in my ignorance about his truth.  (James 4:6) - '' But he gives more grace. Therefore it says, God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble."

I have had experiences before growing up a few times with people telling me about Jesus and how he could help me and God also sent me a lot of YouTube videos/content on my feed during my early teens that mentioned specific key words that said repeatedly '' Jesus is the only way'' and ''Jesus is the way the truth and the life'', the seeds were being planted on my mind, but never took it too seriously since I didn't knew better and thought that the place where I was in my relationship with the father was enough or the same thing, had no idea yet about the gospel, repentance, becoming born again, how serious sin is and all the important things and freedom that was available in Jesus. But later on in my late teen years.. when I reached the limits of my limits in narcissistic abuse and extreme burnout, once again I took it very personal, I couldn't understand why I had to suffer so much, the weirdest things would be done against me and come against me from even strangers and especially from the people who were supposed to be the closest to me for no reason, I could feel the weight of the world on top of my shoulders by being attacked from every side and that's when in the middle of my desperation God started to open my eyes more to a possible spiritual battle going on against me and my life, everyone and everything around me was so demonic to a point It was impossible to deny the reality and presence of Satan himself operating in people and this world and how he has real life agents working in real time for him.  (Ephesians 6:12) - ''For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.'' 

After I came to this conclusion, the enemy obviously alerted his demons on the spiritual realm that I was closer than ever to reach the truth, and sent his demons on a mission to attack me in new different strategic ways, and started to try to deceive me into New Age.. yes, New Age third eye bs..  Because I didn't knew much about God's wisdom and had a limited knowledge about God at the time and how deep God's wisdom could go, a New Age page came in my way sent by the enemy talking about being woke to the truth and since I already was a lover of truth, I kind of fell for it and looked at it a few times for a couple of weeks, but something felt off in my spirit because It sounded like witchcraft to me, and since I never supported witchcraft and didn't want to I immediately stopped looking at it (God rescued me out of it through discernment) and I simply moved on..  (1 Corinthians 4:5) - '' And my speech and my message were not in plausible words of wisdom, but in demonstration of the Spirit and of power, that your faith might not rest in the wisdom of men but in the power of God. ''

A few weeks later, when I was about to start college, and was still suffering in the agony of narcissistic abuse, there was a day when I was just sitting in the middle of my city at the time with my head down crying and grieving my potential and light, feeling absolutely hopeless, lost, and dead inside from such an amount of suffering not knowing how I would be able to leave such reality since I had no way out at the time, all of a sudden I started to feel a very warm loving bright and gentle presence next to me, I can even say almost touching me, I felt God's nurture, deeply loved and cared for in that moment, and I heard loudly in my spirit God telling me that he was watching me and was calling me to his kingdom, I  have also had the sense in that moment that God had enough of seeing me in those conditions and wanted to change my life, and I started in that moment thinking about bible verses and feeling a strong desire to read the bible, his spirit was so present next to me in that place that even his creation recognized him, the birds that were around there started to come landing next to me and his presence, I have also started to ask questions in my mind about the truth of God and who the true God actually was since I heard about many different beliefs and religions before and was quite confused about it, but again those earlier seeds that were being planted on my mind from those YouTube videos about Jesus being the only way and truth, started to come loudly to my mind. 

Another week later just while I was sitting in my room and looking at my phone, once again many of those videos started to pop up in my feed, God was speaking to me and I have clicked on one that mentioned the salvation prayer, and I was quite scared and nervous to do it in the moment, but I've done it in a genuine heart and all of a sudden I felt the Holy Spirit coming inside of me and his fire, and I felt physically the hands of Jesus touching, changing and healing my heart inside of my chest, as if he was sewing my broken heart back to life, doing a spiritual surgery on my heart, and even changing my DNA/identity in him.  It was so powerful that I even got a bit scared but I allowed God in the moment to change me, I truly felt like I have become born again and became a new person, and since that day, I became a born again Christian, started to read the bible, asked God for wisdom, and he gave it to me freely and abundantly, felt like a forgiven new creation ready to enjoy his freedom and his kingdom, I felt joy like I have never felt before after being saved and since that day that I have made a decision to allow him to work in my life it's been a whole new journey of true freedom in Christ and never felt alone ever again .  (2 Chronicles 7:14) - '' If my people who are called by my name humble themselves, and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and heal their land. '' 

 

My testimony part 2 | Coming out of the slavery and chains of Egypt 

God is a gentle man.. he will never force himself upon us, his love and grace is still at work and available, he is still there waiting for us with open arms while honouring our free will at the same time to make our own decisions.. As soon as I've made the decision of accepting Jesus as my personal saviour repented and allowed him to work in my life, the impossible became possible and quicker than I ever imagined or expected. As someone who lived under the torment and chains of a pharaoh for years in my life, it made me loose hope for my freedom and justice many times.. But as soon as I asked the Lord to set me free and find a way for me, things changed..

(Mark 11:24) - Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.

Coming to Christ doesn't mean that spiritual warfare will stop, it will actually increase, since we become a huge threat to the kingdom of darkness. Shortly after I became saved, the enemy sent in my way cults trying to convert me away from the truth of God, distractions and temptations in the way to lead me astray, but the holy spirit was already there always fighting for me,  protecting me and exposing such things. Since this transition to the kingdom of God happened, the chains and abuse from that pharaoh also started to increase more and more each day, the spiritual realm is very real and a war it's always going on against us, the enemy is always busy trying to find ways to attack the children of God, but do not fear since God is bigger and he has always a better plan for us.
(John 4:4) - Little children, you are from God and have overcome them, for he who is in you is greater than he who is in the world.

Weeks later while I was yet finishing college, I have started to cry out to God more and more about my situation in narcissistic abuse in my limits, my wisdom and spiritual growth in God was already developing super fast, but I was still in a deep state of devastation, it was like being stuck in a never ending horror movie with no way out, having my life drained away from me daily, feeling powerless and planning to even take my own life, but those are the moments when we also see how much we need and are dependent on God. 

After another episode in that never ending horror movie, I almost ended my own life in the moment, tried to overdose on a bunch of pills I had in my hand ready to be swallowed while being looked at and mocked at the same time, chocking on my own crying and tears but that's when I heard loudly in the spirit the voice/intervention of God asking me if I was truly going to allow Satan to win over me and destroy the plans and gifts God had for me and created me with and had a vision of angels assisting me in the moment with supernatural strength to make me stop it.  (Jeremiah 29:11) - '' For I know the plans that I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. ''

My fear for God and obedience made me stop it in the moment, but I've made a deal to try one last time to get a way out or I would truly give up, not that I truly wanted to, but because I couldn't see no point of continuing stuck in such misery. (Psalm 34:17) - '' When the righteous cry out for help, the Lord hears and delivers them out of all their troubles. ''

A week later, God lead me to randomly contact someone close to me by email that I knew from college who I had no idea it worked with such type of situations asking about rights and ways to leave without mentioning it was for myself, and I was invited the next day to a meeting with this person to discuss everything about it. As I got there the next day, It felt like God had already everything planned out for me in my favour and with confirmation, I wasn't expecting to be heard and empathized with in such a deep way, and in only 3 days, after a planned, organized and supported escape with God's help and favour through people and his power alone I was able to leave Egypt and years of slavery and chains have been broken, the impossible in my mind and own understanding became possible in that day only because of God's power. Amen.
(Proverbs 3:5-6) - '' Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. ''

 

 

My testimony part 3 | The way out of Egypt 

New  levels new devils... As I moved to this new places the devil sent more challenges and new agents came in my way once again  only to try to stop me and discourage me in the way out of Egypt just like the Israelites when they fled from Egypt, it felt like I was cursed or the same spirit was following me since the behaviour pattern was similar or the same to my previous battles, I knew the devil had a target against me and the frustration was out of this world. I was also still being persecuted by that stubborn Pharaoh but since it was unsuccessful, the devil obviously would not give up and sent in my way as I mentioned new agents again only to discourage me, test my faith by trying to provoke me to anger fights and set me up, he was afraid of my freedom and potential in God to be started, but God was also there the entire time with me, he gave me supernatural strength to resist such things, spent many days with an empty stomach, no money with me, my focus was to do what I had to do until I made it and obey and stay strong with God, he was faithful the entire time to always provide all of my needs,  giving me his favour and taking care of me in mind blowing ways, filling me with his love and fighting off all of my battles and enemies for me, the love of our God is unique, I have always been able to take refuge in the shadow of his wings. 
(Psalm 36:7) - How precious is your steadfast love, O God! The children of mankind take refuge in the shadow of your wings.

When we have a Red Sea to cross in front of us it can definitely be such a challenging step of faith, it takes courage and trust in God. Confronting our fears and doubts takes a lot of strength sometimes since it moves us out of our comfort zone and it requires us to be bolder than ever, remember - (Exodus 14:10-12) - When Pharaoh drew near, the people of Israel lifted up their eyes, and behold, the Egyptians were marching after them, and they feared greatly. And the people of Israel cried out to the Lord. They said to Moses, “Is it because there are no graves in Egypt that you have taken us away to die in the wilderness? What have you done to us in bringing us out of Egypt? Is not this what we said to you in Egypt: ‘Leave us alone that we may serve the Egyptians’? For it would have been better for us to serve the Egyptians than to die in the wilderness.

 

I believe that the Lord can also use such situations to test us and the endurance of our faith. (1 Peter 1:7) - ''So that the tested genuineness of your faith—more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire—may be found to result in praise and glory and honour at the revelation of Jesus Christ.''

We will be tempted to listen to the voice of fear and doubt on how things will turn out to be when sometimes all the Lord is requiring from us is a step of bold child like faith and trust/reliance on him alone while he's already opening a way on the other side for us that will be so praise worth it about God's faithfulness and love for us. - (Exodus 14:13) '' And Moses said to the people, “Fear not, stand firm, and see the salvation of the Lord, which he will work for you today. For the Egyptians whom you see today, you shall never see again. The Lord will fight for you, and you have only to be silent.”

It was a long journey that took a lot of endurance, patience, strength and faith, it was a me and Jesus journey until I was able to cross the other side of the Red Sea, It was only by the grace and protection of God that I was able to survive a lot of risks, I had to move 3 times to 3 different cities in the space of 1 year start from zero all over again by myself as a woman to get away from all the agents of Satan to whom I realized later that were only being used to lead me to right place and spiritual level, been to scary places where danger was present, more dealing with mental health from all the battles I had to face, being under survival and fight of flight mode 24/7 was the norm for me during that time, I became desensitized with myself and my feelings as a way of protection from pain, but at the end God got the glory Amen, he brought me back to life and restored my peace, blessed me with a beautiful place and in ways that I never even imagined it was possible, God saved me from the hands of the Egyptians in my life and made my enemies to be at peace with me - (Proverbs 16:7) - ''When a man's ways please the Lord, he maketh even his enemies to be at peace with him''
He brought me back to life mentally emotionally and spiritually. I am here today writing you my testimony and inspiring you to never be afraid of taking a step a Faith, no matter how hard or impossible the way seems to be, God is always on the other side waiting for you.

My testimony part 4 | Slowing down and the isolation season